Systems beat emotions in parenting

by Yatan

“I’d rather pick up the pee and poo than take them out.” What?

With two teenage daughters and a lot to do in a household, there is natural friction.

We have dogs to feed and walk, a baby that needs attention, and a house to keep clean. The question is: who does what, and when?

I used to take the dogs out myself, often for long periods so they had enough time outside. But once my baby daughter was born, that changed. If I have to choose between taking the dogs out or spending time with the baby, I will choose the baby.

I grew up with dogs, so to me it felt obvious: if you have dogs, you take them out. It’s part of treating them well — and it makes life at home easier too.

I tried to communicate this to the kids, but they even said, “I’d rather pick up the pee and poo than take them out.” I couldn’t understand that at all. How can you voluntarily live in a place where the dog poos and you pick it up instead of just going for a walk? Mind blown.

OK, so obviously there was some resistance. I heard sentences like:

“Why would I waste my time with the dogs? I have a life, I have movies to watch.” “I hate the dogs, I wish they would die or get poisoned.”

So I argued, “If you have dogs, you have to take them out.” It felt like I was talking to a wall.

So we tried a bunch of approaches.

1) Asking “Can you take out the dogs?” Response: “Why me?” “I’m busy.” “Not now.” “I don’t know how.” “Why doesn’t my sister do it?”

2) Guilt and threats “Maybe we should give the dogs away.” Result: temporary compliance Then back to resistance.

3) Scolding and pressure Again, temporary compliance. It didn’t last.

This wasn’t as fast as it sounds. It was a year of this — frustrating and full of conflict.

Eventually I tried something different: a system I like using at work. Why not use it at home?

4) A simple system with consequences

You can take out any two dogs, at any time. If you don’t, the next day you lose phone and computer privileges until you do.

This one worked.

Before, everything was a discussion. Now, it’s clear.

Why?

• They can choose when and which dogs
• The consequence is clear
• It doesn’t stack — they can skip a day if they accept the trade-off

And most importantly:

It removes emotion from the interaction.

No arguing. No convincing. No negotiation.

To be fair, there’s still some — but a lot less.

It removes ambiguity — and with it, most of the conflict.

It also trains something deeper:

Doing things every day, regardless of mood.

That’s why systems beat emotions — even in parenting.