An online notebook — unfinished, evolving, honest.
by Yatan
a sentence that gives me wisdom in different situations
A few years ago I was in Mexico with three friends. One day we were in a flat making food, telling stories, doing a strange “compassionate slapping practice”.
Time was flying, as it does when you’re having fun, and at some point one of us started to withdraw — not wanting to participate anymore, sitting isolated.
Another friend and I looked at each other — we had both noticed — and went to find out what had happened. It wasn’t apparent to us why she was acting like this.
She said she hadn’t been enjoying the last few activities we were doing, but she didn’t want to bother us or interrupt.
My friend and I looked at each other, feeling like we had found a nugget, and kept asking.
“I just wasn’t enjoying the game, and I didn’t want to interrupt the fun, so instead I withdrew and waited for you to change.”
Instead, when she felt uncomfortable, she muted herself. After a while she became annoyed and isolated herself, trying not to show it.
By trying not to interrupt the fun, she ended up disrupting it.
That moment stuck with me: what you resist, persists.
With my partner at home, I sometimes avoid saying things that feel uncomfortable. Over time this creates pressure. When the topic finally comes up, there is so much built-up pressure that it becomes much harder than it needed to be.
At work, I sometimes hide behind being “democratic” to avoid making decisions. This slows down the process and favors the loudest voices.
Eventually I have to step in anyway, as it’s my responsibility — becoming exactly what I wanted to avoid.
Most of the time, the thing you’re avoiding is exactly what needs to be said or done. And more often than not, others are relieved when someone finally says/does it.
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