A Simple Self-Compassion Practice That Changed My Inner Dialogue

by Yatan

Up to around age 30, I feel like I bulldozed my way to moderate success. My emotions were not important. I actually felt that emotions were just some kind of distraction that was not meant to be shared with others at all.

Around that time I started exploring this through different workshops. They taught me about the interpersonal benefits of sharing your emotional standpoint and giving feedback, but also the intrapersonal benefits of self-compassion practice.

When exploring myself — and this is probably similar for many people — I like to describe the mind as a kind of representative democracy. There are many different voices: some negative, some positive, some childlike, some defeatist, some encouraging.

And then there is me — the managing director or president, if you will — who has to represent them all while still making the right decisions.

This becomes very difficult if the dominant internal voice is not up to the task.

That is where self-compassion practice comes in.

What is self-compassion?

Kristin Neff, the most well-known researcher on the topic, defines self-compassion as having three parts:

• Mindfulness
• Self-kindness
• Common humanity

Mindfulness

Mindfulness means being able to observe your inner experience without identifying too strongly with it.

For example, being able to say:

“I am feeling angry,”
or
“I am speaking very negatively to myself right now.”

Common humanity

Common humanity is the understanding that the human experience is shared.

For example:

What I am feeling at this moment is something many other people have also felt.

Self-kindness

Self-kindness means treating yourself with the same kindness you might offer a friend.

For example, being able to console yourself and speak about difficult things in a gentle and supportive way.

A small exercise you can try

Let’s put this into practice with a simple exercise you can try now — or come back to later.

Self-compassion journaling

Prompt

• Imagine writing a letter to yourself from the perspective of a close friend or mentor.
• They know you well, understand you, and want the best for you.
• What would they say to you about the challenges and opportunities you are facing?

Reflection

Look through what you wrote and reflect:

• What felt difficult to write?
• How did it feel to write it?
• What perspective did you naturally take?

When I started doing this practice, my inner dialogue slowly began to change. I became more kind to myself — not in a superficial “everything is fine” way, but in a way that allowed me to deal with my struggles more skillfully. The perspective I like to take is my grandmother who would coach me in a serious but loving manner.

It is safe to say that it changed my life. It helped me become more resilient and a better learner.

If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to try it.

You can learn more from Kristin Neff here:

https://self-compassion.org/exercises/exercise-6-self-compassion-journal/