What if your family was more like a team?

by Yatan

What if your family was more like a team, with roles and rituals to keep it running smoothly?

Shifting from being a lone ranger roaming through the world to becoming a stepdad and dad—while living with my partner, two teenage girls, a baby, and my 76-year-old mom—has been one of the biggest blessings of my life.

But I would be lying if I said I didn’t find it daunting at the beginning.

I’ve spent many years facilitating workshops: lean, design thinking, sprints, team-building, culture building—you name it, I’ve probably done a few.

So it got me thinking:

Could I apply what I learned working with corporate and startup teams to my family?

Isn’t a family just a team?

Family Roles

In a family we also have roles, responsibilities, fears, and anxieties.
So what if I treated this as a team and started looking at the “jobs”?

Kids
Their job is to develop as people, gain skills, build self-esteem and curiosity, and prepare to create fulfilling adult lives.

Grandma
Her job is to enjoy her retired years, stay physically and mentally fit, share her wisdom and energy, and feel engaged and useful.

Parents (my partner and me)
Our job is to lead the team, listen to the other members, support each other, and nurture our relationship.

Trying the “Stinky Fish” Exercise

When we moved in together, I brought this idea to the table and suggested we try a workshop format that Eva had once introduced to me: the Stinky Fish exercise.

The question is simple:

What fears and anxieties do you have about our future as a family?

At the beginning of our journey together, the answers included:

• “I’m afraid of being left behind.”
• “I’m afraid I will no longer have peace in my house.”
• “I’m afraid I’ll lose my freedom.”
• “I’m afraid of chaos in the house.”
• “I’m afraid the dogs will make a mess.”

…and many more.

These were invaluable insights that we could address—and later revisit to check how everyone was feeling.

Our First Steps as a Family

My partner and I made notes and decided on a few steps to prevent these fears from becoming reality.

Some of the things we tried:

• Dedicated evenings with each of the girls every week (my partner).
• Going out for lunch or ice cream with each of the girls (me).
• Walking the dogs for two hours a day during the first month; when at home they stayed on the balcony.
• Encouraging the girls to invite their friends so they would feel it was their home.
• Closing more doors in the evening so my mom could have quiet time.

I’m grateful for having a background in facilitation, because it allows me to structure interactions that normally have no manual—like family life.

And so our blended family journey began.

Want to Try This with Your Family?

Here are a few guiding questions you can explore together:

• What “job” does each person in the family have?
• What fears or anxieties do they have about your shared future?
• Write them down together (this exercise is called Stinky Fish).
• How could you prevent these fears from becoming reality?
• How can you create a safe way to talk about them when they come up?