An online notebook — unfinished, evolving, honest.
by Yatan
After many years of moving and traveling a lot—often content with just a laptop, a candle, and a place to sleep—I finally got a place where I could host people.
Through the experience of hosting many guests—friends, friends of friends, parents, and others—I realized that my idea of what it means to be a good guest was not necessarily shared by everyone.
Once a new friend stayed with me for a few weeks. I had met her not long before on an island, and when she planned a trip to Berlin I offered to host her.
At the time my dad happened to be staying with me as well, sleeping in the guest room, so we were sharing the space.
My friend is a lovely person, but after a week of growing friction my dad asked me:
“Are you in love with her? Are you sleeping with her?”
When I said no, he looked at me baffled.
“Then why are you tolerating her behaviour? Can’t she go somewhere else?”
From our point of view she hadn’t been the best guest, but I also didn’t really know how to address it. So I decided to ask her whether she would be open to some feedback about how to be a better guest.
Luckily she was open to it, and this is what came out of that conversation.
This can be something local from your country, a bottle of wine (or a non-alcoholic alternative), chocolate, or something thoughtful.
The gesture is more important than the actual gift.
It immediately creates goodwill and puts your host in a friendly mindset.
More tidy than you would normally be.
Make the bed. Put dishes in the dishwasher. Clear the table. Keep your belongings organized.
The goal is to be almost invisible as a guest — as if you are barely there.
Tidiness reduces friction because the host doesn’t feel like their space is being invaded.
Observe where the host or housemates usually spend time, and choose a different spot.
Ask whether it’s okay to use that space and try to stick to it.
This way people don’t feel like their routines are constantly disrupted.
Invite them to share a moment together: cook dinner, take them out for coffee, write a thank-you note, or do something thoughtful.
Small gestures of gratitude make hosts feel appreciated.
Try to be useful, even if only symbolically.
For example, if you are going out, offer to pick up groceries or take out the trash.
Creating value for your host makes you an especially welcome guest.
Of course this is not an exhaustive list, and different cultures value different things.
But at the core, being a good guest is simple: remember that someone is sharing their space, their routines, and a small part of their life with you.
A little extra awareness, gratitude, and care go a long way.
In my experience, people rarely forget a guest who made their home feel respected.
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